8-20-09<br><br>

So I got into an argument today involving religion. I remembered how many times people told me I was going to hell simply for holding different beliefs.<br>
It's kind of fucked up if you think about it. How it's perfectly acceptable to condemn someone to burn in a lake of fire for eternity. <br><br>


But this really brought a thought to my head: is hell really all that bad?<br>

Here's an example of what heaven looks like:<br>
<img src="http://www.turnbacktogod.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/heaven-gates-011.jpg" /><br>
*Yawn* <br>

Heaven looks lame. If I wanted everything to be gray, cloudy and boring all the time I would just move to Pennsylvania.<br><br>
Here's an example of what hell looks like:<br>
<img src="http://mark.skein.org/RADIO/ESSAY/HELL.GIF" /><br>
Hell looks fucking awesome. Where else could I stand around a big bonfire, holding hands with dragons singing campfire songs? Hell please.<br><br>

Next I compared religious symbols. I figure for someone as badass as me, I need a equally badass symbol to represent me.<br><br>

Christian Cross:<br>
<img src="http://www.discountcatholicstore.com/images/30rel.jpg" /><br>
Congrats. Your symbol is some guy with a beard getting nailed to a "t". What's so cool about that? The guy you get on your knees and worship was murdered without even fighting back.<br>Some hero he is. Why the hell did he die for everyone's sins to give them all salvation anyway? That never made any sense to me.<br>Oh I know why it doesn't make sense: because it's bullshit.
<br>
Pentagram:<br>
<img src="http://c2.api.ning.com/files/iQHi-EkmnXBaWsHykvcYce9HF8FR1AprCdyQW-G5M2epd1eacd-wIPuqHqtZGbX5ETZ4FX--biuurplQXVw6DiJEz4pwNhge/layer_pentagram_white.jpg" width = 250 height = 250/><br>
Holy shit. This looked so cool I set it as my desktop wallpaper.<br>
<img src="http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/7705/71383818.gif" /><br>
I can't read any of the text under the icons anymore, but who needs to when you have such an awesome background?<br><br>

So for my final comparison, I compared religious figures to myself.<br><br>

Jesus:<br>
<img src="http://www.photoethnography.com/blog/images/jesus.jpg" /><br>
<b>+ Perfect.<br></b>
- Me: Hell no. I have more flaws than Eazy-E had AIDS. *Da dum csh*<br>
<b>+ Never sinned<br></b>
- Me: I can't go a day without sinning. It's like an extremely fun second nature to me.<br>
<b>+ Son of God<br></b>
- Me: I always hear people say "we're all God's children." Yeah? If that's true, how come he's not paying any child support? He doesn't even send me cards at Christmas time.<br>If we're all God's children, he's a fucking deadbeat.<br>
<b>+ Contradicts himself every other sentence<br></b>
- Me: I tend to make sense when I talk/write.<br><br>

So that's about it for Jesus:<br><br>


Satan:<br>
<img src="http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u190/SmokeDogg2007/satan.jpg" width=300 height=500><br>
<b>+ Looks incredibly badass<br></b>
- Me: There's one thing we have in common. Satan looks like he just had anal sex with Jennifer Anniston, burnt down an orphanage, kicked a puppy, and is looking for more.<br>
<b>+ Has huge muscles.<br></b>
- Me: Not unlike Satan, I too have huge muscles. 137 pounds of ass-kicking. I can even carry my mom's 20 pound weight up the stairs. WITH ONE ARM. Beat that.<br><br>


Look at those awesome flames in the background too. It's like going to see Rammstein in concert but without the deadly mosh pits. Count me in.<br><br>


It's not that I have anything against Jesus, but I just don't have anything in common with him. Imagine the most lazy, disgusting slob on earth being roomates with the most neurotic,<br>workaholic neat-freak. That's what it would be like if I were in heaven. It just wouldn't work out.<br><br>


After analyzing all this, I realized that my oil rig of common sense had really struck the quintessence of awesomeness.<br><br> 

But I'm not selfish. I don't want hell all to myself. What's hell without my friends? I decided to help YOU out by making this ad to attract people to hell.<br>

<img src="http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/8052/lolcva.gif" /><br>

Thank me later, I'm gonna go to my timeshare on the shores of hell.