6-21-09

I was watching the news the other day when former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich came on.



Despite his reasons for being on there, the first thing I thought was, “Holy shit. I really hate his hair.”
This got me thinking about hair styles in general, and how many of them make me black out and then wake up a few hours later drenched in someone else's blood.


1. Cut Bangs




I think I can safely say that nobody looks good with cut bangs. You're not Dutch, and you're definitely not Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction.

Actually from this point forward I'm just going to refer to cut bangs as a "dutch dyke" haircut. That has a better ring to it. Speaking of which, why can't the Dutch get their shit together? They do absolutely nothing worthwhile.


2. Spiked Hair




I'm just going to come out and say that spiking your hair makes you look autistic. I'm serious. Don't believe me?

This is the banner on the Autism Society of America website. Pretty bland eh? To liven it up I've added some autistic..I mean spikey haired people to it.

If you're thinking anything close to what I was thinking when I first laid eyes on my masterpiece, you've realized that this is amazing. I agree.

In fact, I thought it was so awesome that I e-mailed the site telling them they should replace their banner with mine.

That's about it for spiked hair, but before I end it, I'd like to share with you the source of one of the images I used in the banner.

Look at the guy. Look at all the Star Wars shit on his walls. I have a better shot at getting laid than this guy, and that says a lot. I really hate to call someone I don't even know pathetic, but you can obviously tell that he's still living at home. Let it all sink in. If you're ever having confidence issues, just come look at this picture. Now we can move on.


3. Curly Hair





I'm sorry, but I simply just can't look at somebody with curly hair and take them seriously. They're natures clowns.


4. Emo Hair



Granted, some people can pull this look off. Namely homosexuals. The real problem is that most of the people that bare this overtly flamboyant haircut can't.


Wow awesome. Can somebody pass the eye bleach please? It's bad enough that this chav looks like Robin Williams and Adrien Brody genetically fused together, but the the hair makes it so much worse.

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